How to Fix this 'Dam' Thing

More than 300 City of Cedar Rapids facilities were damaged during the June 2008 flood. The hydro-electric facility, part of the 5-in-1 Dam, sustained $13 million in damage alone. The City worked to secure funds for this project, but in 2010 the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) halted the process. They denied the claim because the hydro-electric facility was not operating at the time of the flooding disaster. It hadn't been for some years prior to the epic flood of '08.

The City appealed the issue. Last year, FEMA headquarters determined the facility is eligible for funding after the City took their case to Washington and showed that, much like Chandler in Joey's box, we had done some really good thinking with some serious consideration towards the possibility to maybe one day putting some money towards fixing up the place. City staff has been working on this project for almost four years (the FEMA funding project that is), providing documentation and submitting appeals. 

Then, after FEMA relented and the City was promised their money to repair this 'dam' thing, the City applied to transfer the funds to an alternative project, a new parking ramp in downtown Cedar Rapids. Let me translate, we didn't get the money because there was little evidence that we seriously wanted to fix the 5 in 1 dam, then after spending a lot of time and resources proving that in fact we were serious about repairing it and got a check stuffed into the mail to do just that, we pull the old bait and switch and use the funds towards a parking ramp instead. Somehow, Iowa Homeland Security and Emergency Management Division and FEMA supported this course of action. 

However, on the 10th of May, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s Office of Inspector General issued a Management Action Report recommending a reversal of FEMA’s decision and denial of funding for the project. The City, surprisingly, is appalled.

“The City of Cedar Rapids is disappointed that the Office of Inspector General has objected to FEMA’s decision to fund the facility,” said Joe O’Hern, Executive Administrator for Development Services for the City of Cedar Rapids. “We have been working with Iowa Homeland Security and Emergency Management Division and FEMA for years to secure the funding we need.”

An analogy of a kid begging their parents for a new computer to help them with their school work, the parents finally relenting and handing them their credit card, then the kid returning home with a PlayStation 3 comes to mind.

FEMA has the opportunity to respond to the Office of Inspector General in the coming months. “While the OIG’s objection to the hydro-electric facility project is disappointing, other projects are moving along successfully,” said O’Hern. “For example, FEMA has forgiven a $5 million disaster recovery loan that the City received shortly after the disaster.”

The City of Cedar Rapids has done a lot of good in the years following the floods of '08, but this appears to be as good of an example as any of a local government is just trying to grab as much funding as it can from higher levels of government with little regard for the spirit of why those funds are available in the first place. Sure, Cedar Rapids was hurt by the floods of '08, we've raised local taxes, collected large, but ultimately insufficient amounts of insurance claims, and tapped into tens of millions of dollars in FEMA funds. At some point the thought has to cross peoples mind; Are we pulling on the proverbial teet a little too hard?

The Real Problem: Geese

As I descend the stairs in City Hall. I am privy to a view of the large conference room that hosts several sub-committee and board meetings. Last night I caught a glimpse of the fire chief and police chief of our fair City at the lead table of such a gathering, not a sight I've never seen before, but there was a significantly larger number of people gathered to hear what they had to say. A typical meeting would have 6-8 people, this one hosted about 20.

Today, I learn what may have drawn so much attention. The City of Cedar Rapids is considering fining people for feeding the geese. A three tier fining structure that could cost up to $300 per offense.

Geese are messy, they "get mess" all over our parks, our roads, our City of Five Seasons statue. And many people don't like it. Yet people still feed the geese. Why? because Geese are also adorable, of course!

There have also been signs posting "Hey, don't feed the freakin' Geese!" in several areas downtown that a goose would frequent, and it hasn't discouraged a single goose from taking a free meal. Now the plan is to add an "Or else..." tag to each of these signs in an effort to really discourage people from feeding the fortuitous fowl.

City Purchased Lots after 2008 Flood

There is quite the irony that the same people who are enjoying these scenic areas are also the ones being blamed for this apparent slight in sanitation to our beloved green ways. The same way that the most outspoken people against a sales tax that would have built a west side flood levy, lived on the west side of the river. It's also worth noting that such fines are only subject to people when it happens on City Property. Which, thanks to the buy outs following the 2008 flood, include pretty much everywhere the geese are found.

Thus the theory goes, stop the literal practice of handing out food to the birds, and maybe some of them will fly off and not return, or die, or at least make less "mess". Catch the perpetrators bread handed and at least make a little money off the problem. I look at this issue as a fantastic news since we now live in a community where we are spending our valued time dealing with goose mess. Making the top five concerns of Cedar Rapids now;

1. How does one get rid of that smell?
2. Where can we make a casino without it smelling funny?
3. What can we do to free up money in the budget for air fresheners?
4. How can we get Quaker to make only Crunch Berries Cereal?
5. How do we stop all the grey "mess" left behind by all the geese?

Meanwhile I'll be off spending my time doing more useful things like staring at the sun with my eyes open and eating Cheerios. Check us out next week as we review ways to eat cereal with our retinas burnt out.