Party Positions in 2064

Inspired by a casual conversation with my Wife. We take a look into the future to see what the political stances of the two major parties will be in the year 2064.

On the use of Military Might.

Democrats will fully support the use of androids, robots, drones and terminators without congressional approval as a means of eliminating all foreign threats so long as none of the aforementioned weapons are built with boots on them.

Republicans will continue the fight to extend rights, benefits, and freedoms to our veteran androids, robots, drones, and terminators much in the same way it has fought to extend religious freedoms to corporations. The rights to life will also extend to ingots of steel and boxes of electronic components under the slogan "We are the voice for the not yet assembled"

On the Federal Debt and Spending

Democrats will continue to push for an additional $80,000,000,000,000 in stimulus for fiscal year 2065 because the federal interest rate of -8.5%  is far better then the inflation rate of 58%

Republicans will capitulate on increasing the federal spending limit on a week by week basis, attaching it to a continuing resolution to keep the federal government open so long as the following week's cafeteria menu has spaghetti down for every day.

On Healthcare

Democrats will finally be able to tout the completion of www.Healthcare.gov as a completely error free way to sign up for healthcare just in time for the advent of the latest form of communication and interaction, black holes. The government's new platform for signing up for healthcare will be located at emcc://healthcare.temporalrift.gov. However, upon launch it would accidentally suck in 1 out of 3 people that tried to sign up and empty them through a singularity onto the planet B'larb. Democrats will insist the fissure in time and space is being worked on and that you should not be discouraged from using the rift.

Republicans will press for allowing health insurance plans to be purchased on an individual by individual basis from competing companies. Of course, after 50 years of Obamacare, the industry has been so tightly restricted that any discernible difference from one company to the next will amount to little more then minors changes in the name of one company to the next. When a Republican candidate give the example of "Choosing between insurance company A and company B." People will accuse them of being on the payroll of insurance companies that are actually called 'Company A', and 'Company B'.

On The 2nd Amendment

Democrats will continue to insist that the founding fathers never intended that the 2nd Amendment was meant for the average citizen be armed with a death ray that vaporizes everything in it's path.

Republicans will continue to defend the right using the argument that the people need to be able to defend themselves should the government ever decide to turn it's even larger death ray against them.

On Workers Pay


Democrats will be in a bind when their voting block of imported sentient robots will demand merit based pay for merit based work once the robots realize that they are 600 times more productive then their flesh based counterparts.

Republicans will be fighting to abolish the national minimum wage of $673.23/hr. leaving it up to the states to set their own levels. They will argue "The 1800 dollars per hour minimum wage for Seattle may be OK for them, But here in Alabama, we are fine with 34 cents an hour."

(On a related note, color TV will be introduced to southern Alabama in 2057 when it will be declared of the devil and blasted with one of their many death ray guns.)

On Welfare

Democrats will push to extend unemployment and welfare benefits for then entire life of every American. The following year, the secret to immortality will be discovered and the amount in unpaid liabilities the U.S. owes will officially become incalculable.

Republicans will continue to push for job training over welfare handouts. They will have a hard time answering constituent questions about who will pay for the 18 years of college at $5,000,000 a semester it takes to become qualified to hold a white collar job in 2064. They instead decide to support the Democrats plan then then claim their $70,000,000,000,000,000.00 jobs bill is actually a debt reducing measure.

On Border Security

After the advent of teleportation devices, both sides agree that a ginormous wall would probably be a waste of money and resources.