NFL Headlines

You can thank my wife for the triumphant return of...

NFL HEADLINES!

Rex Ryan starts new 'stress diet'. Looses 50 pounds in one loss to New England.

Bill Belichick was visibly ecstatic after his team blocked a field goal with seconds left to hold off the Jets. When asked if he was happy and proud of his team for it's tenacity, he nodded twice.

In anticipation of a great season, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has begun plans for anew, state of the art stadium with a jumbo-tron that will dwarf his current one with the added benefit of blocking field goals.

In related stadium news, the Atlanta Falcons announced a new feature for their new stadium that promises to have pillars and other obstructions strategically placed to make the falcons appear better then then actually are.

Brett Favre takes to twitter to congratulate Payton Manning on breaking his all time touchdown record. It was later revealed that Brett would have called Payton, but was on the phone with Minnesota planning a comeback at the time.

Brett Favre also has struck a deal to become the new spokesman for MicroTouch. Insiders say the deal almost didn't get finished due to Brett's insistence that his testimonial include how he uses the device to shave his junk before sending lude pictures to former colleagues. 

Tony Sparano was asked what the odds are of the Raiders finishing the season with an 0 and 16 record. Tony immediately recanted by saying "0 and 16, we should be so lucky!"

California hopes to crack down on traffic violations. The plan is that rather then issuing speeding tickets, they will begin issuing Raider's tickets.

Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson met with the intention on forming a new football league specifically for people banned from the NFL. Team names that are being mentioned are 'The Switches', 'The Elevator Doorman', 'The Whoopings', 'The Cold Clockers' among others. Rodger Goddell has inquired about an opening in their league central office.

The Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport had ceased all inbound flights from Cleveland after hearing that there was a passenger infected with the experience of watching a Browns game. As a precaution, the Cowboys have begun testing alternate jerseys to prevent the spread of any game play that could be construed as 'Clevelandesk'.

Tim Tebow spends first 30 minutes of his debut on the SEC network replaying footage of all his game winning drives with the Denver Broncos while constantly looking to the camera talking about how good he looks in Jaguar teal and gold.

There are growing concerns over a defenses ability to play pass coverage after the NFL announced a new policy of having a trained psychologist be present at the end of every play in order to ask every wide receiver to point on a doll where the mean corner back touched him. 

And Lastly, in Fantasy news, does anyone want to trade for Reggie Wayne? Seriously, he is doing nothing for me and I really need a running back. Crazy thing when you draft Adrian Peterson and Zac Stacy in the first 2 rounds of your draft...ugh.