Forget players, here is a list of what the NFL teams need to draft this off season:1. Houston Texans - Lowered Expectations, They went from Post Season contenders to worst record in the league in one year, come on people, give them a break.
2. Washington Redskins (Traded to STL) - The ability to not have their team name be brought up during the draft. Trading away this years first round pick was a good step in accomplishing this.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars - They need to stop eeking out a win once a month, The team with net 50 fewer net points then the team with the worst record tells you that these guys just don't know how to get a #1 overall pick. This will be the 3rd straight year with a top 5 pick while never having the number 1 overall.
4. Cleveland Browns - For Lebron James to move back to Cleveland and give Browns fans something to cheer about.
5. Oakland Raiders - To have the team learn to change a tire, that way they all stop showing up for a blowout <snicker snicker>
6. Atlanta Falcons - To draft some guy with the last name Vick that will wear number 7. that way I can finally start wearing my Falcons jersey while walking my dog again.
8. Minnesota Vikings - A New Stadium, there is a new one coming up next year, so just trade away this pick and hold out until then. Any old un-drafted college stadium should do until then.
10. Detroit Lions - For someone to remind the franchise that there are games that occur after the regular season.
11. Tennessee Titans - To give Jake Locker some comedy lessons, the last time he shared something with his receivers, it went over their heads.
12. New York Giants - To start a residential lawn clean up service, that way they could pick up a yard.
13. St. Louis Rams - Develop a website, that way they could string three 'W''s together.
14. Chicago Bears - A new exercise bike for Cutler to use while his team has the ball.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Ditch the Slow and Old, get back to the Black and Gold.
17. Baltimore Ravens - A home opener, they kind of got screwed last year.
18. New York Jets - To resign Tim Tebow and create a new offensive formation with Geno Smith in a wishbone with Micheal Vick and Tebow in the backfield. I call it the 'WHAT THE F#%&!!' formation.
19. Miami Dolphins - To get over their perfect season, we get it, 40 some odd years ago you were really good, so was ABBA, Grease, and Pong!
20. Arizona Cardinals - For the NFL to expand the playoffs to an additional 4 teams.
21. Green Bay Packers - Laser removal on Aaron Rodgers face.22. Philadelphia Eagles - For Eagles fans to stop having their Superbowl dreams from being crushed when their mothers wake them in the morning. <snicker snicker>
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Change something? Are you kidding me? I've never seen Chiefs fans more ecstatic over their odds!24. Cincinnati Bengals - To find a way around having to play such good teams in the playoffs.
25. San Diego Chargers - I've been saying 'A new coach' for years, but they got that last year, so I think they are good.
26. Indianapolis Colts (Traded to CLV) - For Denver to host a pregame tribute to Peyton Manning the week that they play the Broncos.
27. New Orleans Saints - A call to Pope Francis about finally getting some of these guys canonized. They are, after all, already Saints!
28. Carolina Panthers - To not fall under any sense of disillusionment that going 12-4 again will be easy. Just look at Houston and Atlanta.
29. New England Patriots - Somebody needs to locate Tom Brady's cell phone, he can't seem to find his receiver. <snicker snicker>
30. San Francisco 49ers - To sign Mark Sanchez as a back up... and a warning.
32. Seattle Seahawks - A massive endorsement deal with Skittles Candies.
