NFL Headlines

You can thank my wife for the triumphant return of...

NFL HEADLINES!

Rex Ryan starts new 'stress diet'. Looses 50 pounds in one loss to New England.

Bill Belichick was visibly ecstatic after his team blocked a field goal with seconds left to hold off the Jets. When asked if he was happy and proud of his team for it's tenacity, he nodded twice.

In anticipation of a great season, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has begun plans for anew, state of the art stadium with a jumbo-tron that will dwarf his current one with the added benefit of blocking field goals.

In related stadium news, the Atlanta Falcons announced a new feature for their new stadium that promises to have pillars and other obstructions strategically placed to make the falcons appear better then then actually are.

Brett Favre takes to twitter to congratulate Payton Manning on breaking his all time touchdown record. It was later revealed that Brett would have called Payton, but was on the phone with Minnesota planning a comeback at the time.

Brett Favre also has struck a deal to become the new spokesman for MicroTouch. Insiders say the deal almost didn't get finished due to Brett's insistence that his testimonial include how he uses the device to shave his junk before sending lude pictures to former colleagues. 

Tony Sparano was asked what the odds are of the Raiders finishing the season with an 0 and 16 record. Tony immediately recanted by saying "0 and 16, we should be so lucky!"

California hopes to crack down on traffic violations. The plan is that rather then issuing speeding tickets, they will begin issuing Raider's tickets.

Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson met with the intention on forming a new football league specifically for people banned from the NFL. Team names that are being mentioned are 'The Switches', 'The Elevator Doorman', 'The Whoopings', 'The Cold Clockers' among others. Rodger Goddell has inquired about an opening in their league central office.

The Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport had ceased all inbound flights from Cleveland after hearing that there was a passenger infected with the experience of watching a Browns game. As a precaution, the Cowboys have begun testing alternate jerseys to prevent the spread of any game play that could be construed as 'Clevelandesk'.

Tim Tebow spends first 30 minutes of his debut on the SEC network replaying footage of all his game winning drives with the Denver Broncos while constantly looking to the camera talking about how good he looks in Jaguar teal and gold.

There are growing concerns over a defenses ability to play pass coverage after the NFL announced a new policy of having a trained psychologist be present at the end of every play in order to ask every wide receiver to point on a doll where the mean corner back touched him. 

And Lastly, in Fantasy news, does anyone want to trade for Reggie Wayne? Seriously, he is doing nothing for me and I really need a running back. Crazy thing when you draft Adrian Peterson and Zac Stacy in the first 2 rounds of your draft...ugh.

NFL Good Guys

We've been bombarded with negative news about the NFL these last few weeks. The league's crisis over domestic violence, substance abuse, and the administrative incompetence in addressing it has cast a pall over the popular sport.

But amid the relentless stream of devastatingly sad news, there are a few heartwarming stories that reaffirm the good that can come from the people who are a part of this great game.

Here, in an effort to restore some of your faith in humanity and the NFL, so as to allow you to continue enjoying watching these multi-millionaires do celebratory dances after hitting people in a way that would get a typical man on the street thrown in jail, and do so without a guilt ridden conscious keeping you awake at night, are the good guys of the NFL:

                    

                    


                    


                    


                    

These are not the Make-A-Wish or My Wish charities. Which are great organizations that approach athletes and organizations. These are players that are actively seeking out ways that they can make a positive difference with their time and resources.

Faith in NFL humanity restored.

NFL Draft Predictions

Forget players, here is a list of what the NFL teams need to draft this off season:

1. Houston Texans - Lowered Expectations, They went from Post Season contenders to worst record in the league in one year, come on people, give them a break.

2. Washington Redskins (Traded to STL) - The ability to not have their team name be brought up during the draft. Trading away this years first round pick was a good step in accomplishing this.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars - They need to stop eeking out a win once a month, The team with net 50 fewer net points then the team with the worst record tells you that these guys just don't know how to get a #1 overall pick. This will be the 3rd straight year with a top 5 pick while never having the number 1 overall.

4. Cleveland Browns - For Lebron James to move back to Cleveland and give Browns fans something to cheer about.

5. Oakland Raiders - To have the team learn to change a tire, that way they all stop showing up for a blowout <snicker snicker>

6. Atlanta Falcons - To draft some guy with the last name Vick that will wear number 7. that way I can finally start wearing my Falcons jersey while walking my dog again.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - To see Janet Jackson's teet again, it seemed to work out pretty well for them the first time, and it's been pretty much downhill ever since.

8. Minnesota Vikings - A New Stadium, there is a new one coming up next year, so just trade away this pick and hold out until then. Any old un-drafted college stadium should do until then.

9. Buffalo Bills - They need Berman to stop insisting that they "Circle the wagons." They tried that, it doesn't work!

10. Detroit Lions - For someone to remind the franchise that there are games that occur after the regular season.

11. Tennessee Titans - To give Jake Locker some comedy lessons, the last time he shared something with his receivers, it went over their heads.

12. New York Giants - To start a residential lawn clean up service, that way they could pick up a yard.

13. St. Louis Rams - Develop a website, that way they could string three 'W''s together.

14. Chicago Bears - A new exercise bike for Cutler to use while his team has the ball.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Ditch the Slow and Old, get back to the Black and Gold.

16. Dallas Cowboys - The Owner needs to have a serious talk with the General Manager.

17. Baltimore Ravens - A home opener, they kind of got screwed last year.

18. New York Jets - To resign Tim Tebow and create a new offensive formation with Geno Smith in a wishbone with Micheal Vick and Tebow in the backfield. I call it the 'WHAT THE F#%&!!' formation.

19. Miami Dolphins - To get over their perfect season, we get it, 40 some odd years ago you were really good, so was ABBA, Grease, and Pong!

20. Arizona Cardinals - For the NFL to expand the playoffs to an additional 4 teams.

21. Green Bay Packers - Laser removal on Aaron Rodgers face.

22. Philadelphia Eagles - For Eagles fans to stop having their Superbowl dreams from being crushed when their mothers wake them in the morning. <snicker snicker>

23. Kansas City Chiefs - Change something? Are you kidding me? I've never seen Chiefs fans more ecstatic over their odds!

24. Cincinnati Bengals - To find a way around having to play such good teams in the playoffs.

25. San Diego Chargers - I've been saying 'A new coach' for years, but they got that last year, so I think they are good.

26. Indianapolis Colts (Traded to CLV) - For Denver to host a pregame tribute to Peyton Manning the week that they play the Broncos.

27. New Orleans Saints - A call to Pope Francis about finally getting some of these guys canonized. They are, after all, already Saints!

28. Carolina Panthers - To not fall under any sense of disillusionment that going 12-4 again will be easy. Just look at Houston and Atlanta.

29. New England Patriots - Somebody needs to locate Tom Brady's cell phone, he can't seem to find his receiver. <snicker snicker>

30. San Francisco 49ers - To sign Mark Sanchez as a back up... and a warning.

31. Denver Broncos - For the NFL to accept the fact that they are playing in a state that has a fully legal product that can be used to treat pain caused by glaucoma, nerve damage, and devastating Super Bowl defeats.

32. Seattle Seahawks - A massive endorsement deal with Skittles Candies.

Original Idea #1: NFL Pro-Bowl

Beginning a new chapter in this Blog's history today, I'm beginning an original idea segment. A way to break off from a lot of the ranting and anti-cheer-leading I find myself engrossing in, probably to an unhealthy extent, on this page.

These ideas can range from just about anything, to just about anything else. What better way to prove that point is to start off with something that is on almost nobody's mind at the moment. The NFL Pro Bowl.

In recent years there has been a certain degree of disenfranchisement about the Pro Bowl. The players aren't playing hard enough, the games don't matter, they are just trying to not get hurt. And those people are absolutely right. The main reason the players want to get to the Pro Bowl is a free trip to Hawaii and whatever bonuses they receive from contract incentives, both of these are earned the second they stop off the plane in Honolulu. Sure, for some people it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to play with the active legends of the game, but the game always seems to be at a little slower pace and not as hard hitting. The result is a huge burden on trying to make the event itself more interesting. Trying to hype it up with fantasy draft boards and other things that most fans just don't care much about.

But there I was just the other day watching the US. woman's curling team on a channel I couldn't identity other then it was obviously an NBC affiliate. Rooting for people I hardly knew in a sport I know nothing about. It occurred to me for reasons I couldn't begin to understand, that the NFL shouldn't be trying to have a single event for the pro-bowl, they need to have a series of events, not so unlike the Olympics. The Olympics are capable of drawing in millions of viewers to sports many people simply don;t normally watch. They love the stories of individual persaverence and rooting for their country, so I charged myself with the task of infusing those aspects of the Winter games into the single sport of football.

Welcome to the 2015 NFL Pro-Bowl Combine!

Over the 5 days coverage from beautiful Hawaii, you will see all your favorite players competing against one another in basic combine events like bench presses and 40 yard dashes, to unique events such as one may see on Sports Science where a Defensive End would be timed as they spin around 3 padding dummies and tackle a manikin Quarterback. Quarterbacks would have accuracy and distance throw competitions. Offensive Lineman would have the equivalent of a Tractor pull but with pushing tackle dummies. Corner-backs would would have swat down competitions. The winner of each even wins points for their conference (or division), receives individual "medals" (complete with paycheck bonuses) and the coverage for said events lasts over the entire week, not just one 3 hour game the week before the Superbowl.

Sure, the ratings for any single event probably won't be all that impressive, save for perhaps the Quarterback events, but I feel that you would get a whole lot more effort from each individual who goes to the Pro Bowl a lot more incentive to actually do something once they are there would be reflected and allow for days of programming with decent ratings. Add to that hours of sports coverage for that nights sports center to break up what currently is just a 134 hour Superbowl pregame. Add in the fact that the draft combines are just a month after the super bowl, the interest in both may be perked up to see how some of the new rookies shape up against  veterans in some of the events. Questions like "Can a 32 year old vet still bench press like a 22 year old college kid?" would become common during the week. Plus, you get the benefit of having true head to head match up comparisons over the years. "Sure, Richard Sherman says he's the greatest, but will he put up or shut up at this weeks combine when he'll have to try and break Champ Bailey's record of 13 swat-downs in the 1 minute drill he pulled off 6 years ago?"

The Pro Bowl is becoming more and more laughable as players try to maximize competition while minimizing injury when there incentive to do so is naught, I think an event style combine is a great way to alleviate the injury concerns (admittedly, not 100%, but a lot) and to allow good honest competition between elite athletes to shine through.

NFL Headlines

Back by popular demand (of my Wife), here are your week 7 NFL headlines:

After seeing an episode of Castle, Carrie Underwood reconsiders her claim that "Al and Chris are the best on TV"

House Majority Speaker John Boehner weighs in on Redskins name controversy, asking why a sports team hasn't been called he 'Orangeskins' yet.

Single Decent drive by New York Giants proves to be too much for Minnesota Vikings to handle.

In an effort to steal more screen time, Ray Lewis tasks Steve Young to fly ahead to the City for the next 'Battle of the Unbeaten' game.

San Diego considers name change to 'Powder Blues' resulting in over 6,000 pieces of hate mail from outspoken Smurf community.

After Denver's first and only Loss, Payton Manning claims he has the rest of the NFL "Right where he wants them."

Despite the Packers arriving for the game in vintage uniforms, Browns remain the undisputed champion of most boring jerseys.

After sending nine pro bowlers to Hawaii despite a four win season last year, Chiefs quoted as expecting to send no fewer then their entire first and second string to this years Pro Bowl.

God answers Tim Tebow's prayers to hurt every quarterback on a team that would even remotely consider signing him. Tebow remains unsigned.

Patriots fans write in droves to Commissioners office about the use of obscure rule after loss to Jets. NFL office to file all complaints between existing folders for 'Tuck' and 'Irony'.

Florida passes anti-bullying law at request of thin skinned Jaguar players.

49ers fail to raise Titan's players ire with the game time taunt "Who's an immortal mythological God-like creature now?"

Ahead of next Sunday night's game, NBC plans to air 10 minute tribute to the Packers Championship teams, followed by a 12 second documentary labeled "Great Moments in Vikings Playoff history".

Eagles fans on the look out for potential third 'Quarterback of the Future' of the season.

Colts improve to 5-2, clinch AFC South.

Referees from around league to convene at the End of Thursdays Panters/Bucs game to determine if they could beat Tampa Bay if given the chance.

Vikings coaches admit a coin flip was used to determine the Vikings starting quarterback this week, Cassell called 'shirts' Freeman never showed up. Vikings decide no one deserved to play QB Monday night.

Falcons say of single score win against 0-7 Buccaneers "This is the kind of win you can hang your hat on." Team proceeds to not prepare for next week.

Ravens front office desperately looks for loopholes in Joe Flacco's contract.

Andrew Luck and Archie Manning to appear in upcoming paternity test episode of 'Murray'.



  

NFL Headlines

For those of you that have a passive interest in the NFL, here are your Week 1 football Headlines:

Cleveland Browns threaten to Draft Johnny 'Football' Manzel if he doesn't start acting more mature.

Tebow struggles to decide which of his zero options to pursue.

Jacksonville Jaguars consider idea to let opposing team play offense the entire game.

Rex Ryan declares Jets biggest win of the season is now behind them, congratulates Patriots on their week 2 victory.

Ex-Patriot Aaron Hernandez asks judge if they would please 'Shove it" and let him get back to "Earning those phat stacks of cash, your honor".

New clear bag requirements in Broncos home opener reveals that everyone in Denver travels with at least 3 pounds of marijuana on their persons at all times.

Falcons fans dismayed why Saints players didn't just roll over and "take it!"

Manning brothers to meet up for brunch and consider playing hooky in week 2.

Colts players apologize to Raiders fans for breaking their teams perfect season.

Proposal for throwback Cheese Head day in Green Bay using actually cheese from the seventies met with confusion and Febreze.

Chargers players vow that next week they won't be thrown off by the need to play a fourth quarter.

Drinking game based on the number of times Jon Gruden says 'Man' during a game results in 4 deaths from alcohol poisoning.

Ndamukong Suh graciously returns part of his signing bonus to the league, celebrates by letting Vikings kick him in the side.

Calvin 'Megatron' Johnson tries to enact the Calvin Johnson amendment to the Calvin Johnson rule, it is immediately overturned causing teammate Ndamukong Suh to retract his earlier gift to the league and chop block an opposing player in frustration, resulting in a fine.





There you are folks, you should be able to have your two cents added to any water cooler talk for the remainder of the week.

NFL Wk 9 Update: ESPN vs. ABC's

Well well well, It looks like the experts might actually start to know what they are talking about. growing their lead by a couple games this round.

If you missed the Premise, it can be viewed here.

Experts are at 68-49, ABC's are 63-54

57.6% to 53.4%, or a 5 game lead for the experts. this means that the experts have correctly predicted a winner more times then the Chicago Cubs won a game this past season, but in fairness, so have the ABC's. The only thing we can determine from this statistic is that the Cubs didn't win very many games.... I just made myself sad.

Here are the current weekly results

Week	Expert W	Expert L	% Correct	Random W	Random L	% Correct
1	8	8	50.0%	10	6	62.5%
2	8	8	50.0%	10	6	62.5%
3	8	8	50.0%	7	9	43.8%
4	10	4	71.4%	10	4	71.4%
5	9	5	64.3%	4	10	28.6%
6	3	11	21.4%	7	7	50.0%
7	11	2	84.6%	6	7	46.2%
8	11	3	78.6%	9	5	64.3%

As you can see though, one outlying week and this lead could all be undone.

Predictions for Next week based on power rankings;

Chargers over Chiefs
Broncos over Bengals*
Ravens over Browns*
Packers over Cardinals*
Bears over Titans
Dolphins over Colts*
Redskins over Panthers*
Lions over Jaguars*
Texans over Bills*
Vikings over Seahawks*
Buccaneers over Raiders
Giants over Steelers
Falcons over Cowboys*
Eagles over Saints

*Denotes ABC's method predicts opposite

As you can see, with 9 disagreements next week, the current lead could change fast, or be all but put out of reach of the ABC method.