Colorado Succession, Are They High?

Not since the Civil war has a state osmosed into two states, but there are some folks in the rural north east of Colorado who are rejecting the kush smoking, non-gun touting ways on the big city Denver elites that are running the state. No, seriously, their are people in Colorado that will have the option to direct their chunk of the state to secede and form a new state.

An actual store in Denver

Weld County, Colorado commissioners this Tuesday announced a plan to publish a series of editorials in support of the 51st state initiative, an initiative directed at exploring the possibility of several Colorado counties breaking ties with the state and forming a new state of North Colorado. They presently have plans to release the series before early voting begins and Weld County residents voice whether they wish to secede from Colorado. The commissioners of the county leading the charge for seceding from Colorado and forming North Colorado have begun a campaign of editorials about their cause. The Weld County Commission will post arguments for breaking away -- in this case, on their government website. The first installment includes statements like "For too long we have endured the arrogance and, yes, elitism of the state legislature and the Governor’s Office. They mock us, they refuse to listen and they dismiss our concerns."

The initial publication from the county commissioners appears to lack and truly substantive arguments, but appears to simply brace us for following articles that will flesh out their case and concerns in the coming weeks. There are some articles throughout the website, though not directly tied to the succession story, that cite more specific points where voiced concerns from the county fall on death ears at the state level that have had negative impacts on the rural area of Weld County, such as the following specific examples;

 In 2009, the Colorado Water Board Commission made changes of the Flood Plain rule, taking it from a 100-year rule to a 500-year rule. While these rules have little impact on Front Range communities, they have a huge impact on rural Colorado. For example, this rule will force smaller communities in the rural sections of the state to endure huge expenses in the future when faced with the need to upgrade their water treatment plants; an egregious example of no oversight, no justification and no fiscal impact review. In my opinion, this rule change results in a large taking of private property rights with no benefit, in most cases, to the general public 

-and-

What many farmers and ranchers deem as the straw that broke the camel’s back, Senate Bill 252, 
signed into law this summer, increased the mandate that rural electric utility companies produce a percentage of their energy by renewable resources from 10% to 20% – an idea so ‘good’ the urban areas served by city-owned utilities and private corporations exempted themselves from the increase.

I have to do a double take, these are some serious grievenses but surely secession is an extreme reaction, even if these do span over the period of years. IF a new state would be created on the border of Nebraska, many questions would have to be answered. Would money be owed to Colorado 'Prime' by the new state for infrastructure investment? What would the initial constitution look like? What college football conference would they be a demographic for? And, of course, where can I toke up?

I jest, but I'm very interested in what this process looks like and if they are even allowed to 'proceed' should a majority of North Coloradians vote in favor of succession this fall.

Election Results - Stage 3: Bargaining

Who is out there willing to play 'let's make a deal' with the Republican party? Perhaps those stinking Mexicans or the blasphemous homosexual community, or god forbid, the Atheists. But, how to make the vision of an anti-immigrant, traditional marriage, judeo-christian founded America appeal to them?

STAGE 3: BARGAINING

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives." -Mitt Romney

<My apologies to Mrs. Kubler-Ross for taking some liberties on what is meant by bargaining when it comes to grief.>

Once the anger subsides and the plotting begins in how to win the 2014 midterms and the next presidential election, the need to woo a new demographic to the right side in order to balance out the overall votes. We can not continue to wait for imaginary ninjas to help the right win.

There have been several thoughts presented as to who the Republican Party needs to tailor their message to in the hopes that it may make a dent in the growing gap with voting blocks that have been traditionally democratic. Some people believe this means compromising a long held position on a key issue. Perhaps immigration, perhaps gay marriage. Which of course could, in turn, prevent a key voting block from turning out on election day, of course I am talking about the closely held @$$-hole vote. I'm talking about those that believe that what hot lesbians do in there bedroom are not only topics for guys sitting in front of their computers late at night, but also matters to people who spend Sunday mornings gathering and talking about how everyone else is going to hell, and that believe the first amendment was put in place to prevent poorly placed mosques in Manhattan. There is some doubt cast when people point out the tailored messages that the RNC spent $5,000,000,000 on this past election trying to broadcast messages on Tela-mundo about the need for border protection, and the $100,000,000 spent by the Westboro Baptist Church of sponsoring a tour by the biggest celebrity they could find, George Micheal, to spread their message of sin and sodomy.

Many say that there is no need for change within the party, and that the problem is that large swaths of Americans that don't seem to want to change their morals and values no matter how many times theirs are proven to be inferior to their own. The solution to this conundrum is simple, succession. A petition to the White House has already garnered over 68,000 signatures to allow Texas to succeed from the United States.

To those readers who wish to pursue this path, I would recommend looking at history for the list of do's and do not's when it comes to succeeding from the United States. A brief look at history shows that seceding states don't have the greatest track record. 0 for 11 to be exact. The other number to toss around is 600,000, the sobering number of deaths as a result from the attempt.

Assuming that you are not an Italian plumber stereotype and have but one life to live for your country, my recommendation is to stop trying to wheel and deal your way out of the election results, grab a box of tissues and wait for the forth stage of grief; depression.


Stage 1: Denial
Stage 2: Anger