Engineer Jokes

Time again for a random post weekend. Heard a couple good jones last week and decided to add those to some other ones I'd heard over the years, plus a few other ones found in the seedy underbelly of internet webstes that probably haven't been updated since 1998. Enjoy!

• An engineer, an architect, and a statistician are out hunting. A wonderful 10 point buck appears 50 yards before them. The engineer shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left, the architect steps up, aims, and takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right, the statistician jumps up and yells “We got ‘em!”

• A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are golfing, and are stuck behind the slowest foursome in history. They watch the foursome in front of them play, and their ineptitude is unbelievable. Shanks into the woods, worm-burners, slices, hooks, you name it. The course manager comes along, and the three men start to complain to him about the golfers up ahead.The manager explains, "Those are four blind firemen. They all lost their eyesight while saving people from a fire in our clubhouse last year. We let them play for free whenever they want." The three golfers now feel a little remorse for mocking the firemen and start to discuss amongst themselves. "I'm going to go back to my church and say a special prayer for those men tonight," remarks the priest. The doctor responds in turn, "I have a couple ophthalmologist friends...I'll call them tonight and see if there's anything they can do for them." The engineer looks out in front of him and says. "Why can't these guys play at night?"

• A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer stay in a hotel. The engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed. Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid. At last, the mathematician awakes, only again to find a fire in the hallway. He instantly sees the extinguisher and thinks, “A solution exists!”, and heads back into his room.

• A group of engineers have formed a new band called 999MB, but you probably haven't heard of them since they don't have a gig yet. (Ok, that's an old IT joke, but it's still pretty funny)

• An engineer, a scientist, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland. On the top of a hill they see a black sheep. “What do you know,” the engineer remarks. “The sheep in Scotland are black.” “No, no”, protests the scientist. “At least one of the sheep in Scotland is black.” The philosopher considers this a moment. “That’s not quite right. There’s at least one sheep which is black from one side.”

• How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows, everyone else just assumes it's magic.

• An optimist sees the glass half full. A pessimist sees the glass half empty. An engineer sees a glass twice as big as it needs to be.

• An Engineer gets home from work and sees a note on the fridge from his wife. "This isn't working, I've gone to stay with my mom". he opens the fridge and checks the light, then grabs a beer and feels that it's cold. The engineer thinks to himself. "The fridge works fine"

• An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."