The Real Problem: Geese

As I descend the stairs in City Hall. I am privy to a view of the large conference room that hosts several sub-committee and board meetings. Last night I caught a glimpse of the fire chief and police chief of our fair City at the lead table of such a gathering, not a sight I've never seen before, but there was a significantly larger number of people gathered to hear what they had to say. A typical meeting would have 6-8 people, this one hosted about 20.

Today, I learn what may have drawn so much attention. The City of Cedar Rapids is considering fining people for feeding the geese. A three tier fining structure that could cost up to $300 per offense.

Geese are messy, they "get mess" all over our parks, our roads, our City of Five Seasons statue. And many people don't like it. Yet people still feed the geese. Why? because Geese are also adorable, of course!

There have also been signs posting "Hey, don't feed the freakin' Geese!" in several areas downtown that a goose would frequent, and it hasn't discouraged a single goose from taking a free meal. Now the plan is to add an "Or else..." tag to each of these signs in an effort to really discourage people from feeding the fortuitous fowl.

City Purchased Lots after 2008 Flood

There is quite the irony that the same people who are enjoying these scenic areas are also the ones being blamed for this apparent slight in sanitation to our beloved green ways. The same way that the most outspoken people against a sales tax that would have built a west side flood levy, lived on the west side of the river. It's also worth noting that such fines are only subject to people when it happens on City Property. Which, thanks to the buy outs following the 2008 flood, include pretty much everywhere the geese are found.

Thus the theory goes, stop the literal practice of handing out food to the birds, and maybe some of them will fly off and not return, or die, or at least make less "mess". Catch the perpetrators bread handed and at least make a little money off the problem. I look at this issue as a fantastic news since we now live in a community where we are spending our valued time dealing with goose mess. Making the top five concerns of Cedar Rapids now;

1. How does one get rid of that smell?
2. Where can we make a casino without it smelling funny?
3. What can we do to free up money in the budget for air fresheners?
4. How can we get Quaker to make only Crunch Berries Cereal?
5. How do we stop all the grey "mess" left behind by all the geese?

Meanwhile I'll be off spending my time doing more useful things like staring at the sun with my eyes open and eating Cheerios. Check us out next week as we review ways to eat cereal with our retinas burnt out.