Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Snarky Retorts to Snarky Remarks

When you go out and troll the internet, you sometimes just can't bother wasting your time actually holding a serious conversation with someone. Sometimes, you just have to snark back. Here are a few quips and jabs that I came up with to help you get started when the topic moves to something of little, if any, real relevance to the popular topics of the day.

The Troll Says: "A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance."
To Which You Say: "And an Attorney from Chicago added the line 'Under God'. My how far we've come.'"

The Troll Says: "Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor, for free."
To Which You Say: "And then he was featured in a book about how to do it. You should read it sometime."

The Troll Says: "Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee were traitors."
To Which You Say: "Just like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo."

The Troll Says: "Fascism is a right-wing trait."
To Which You Say: "And Anarchy is a left-wing trait. See I can spew crap that makes no sense also."

The Troll Says: "Sarah Palin is an idiot."
To Which You Say: "A rich, powerful, and smoking hot idiot, God Bless America."

The Troll Says: "The Earth is round."
To Which You Say: "Technically, it's spherical. You should really consider taking a geometry class sometime."

The Troll Says: "Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President."
To Which You Say: "Yup, from 70% all the way up to 28%"

The Troll Says: "Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency."
To Which You Say: "So what I hear you trying to say is that he was a good President?"

The Troll Says: "Ronald Reagan supported an assault gun ban."
To Which You Say: "Yeah, and he got the ban he wanted, I think we just finished celebrating the Brady Act's 5th year anniversary when Columbine happened."

The Troll Says: "Global warming is real. The ice caps are melting and the oceans are rising."
To Which You Say: "Then why do so many Democrats live on the coast?"

The Troll Says: "Republicans hate illegal immigrants, unless they need their lawns mowed or their houses cleaned."
To Which You Say: "That's not fair, they also not too keen on illegal killers, illegal rapists, illegal identity thieves, and illegal tax evaders either."

The Trolls Says: "What 17 trillion dollars? The current debt will shrink this year to 500 billion."
To Which You Say: Nothing, there is no way you can talk to this person without being dragged down to the level of stupidity. Spend you time doing something productive like learning how to whistle and hum at the same time.

You can now attempt to move the conversation back to whatever topic you were actually discussing, healthcare solutions, tax reform, what have you. Just remember, don't get into an argument with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

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