White House Scandals Explained!

In just one week, President Barack Obama’s political machine has switched from endless campaign to survival mode. And for the first time in Obama’s presidency, the damage to his regime may be permanent. How is this hapless blogger to process this head spinning plethora of scandals  The only way he can, by making one big joke out of the whole thing.

What else is there to do? We can no longer take anything that Jay Carney says seriously, whether it's sarin gas in Syria or tea-baggers getting steeped in an audit nightmare, this administration has zero transparency zero credibility, and zero accountability

To this point, I lend my vast imagination to the administration. I have concocted the perfect explanation that cover the White House's hind quarters from any of the blame that is inevitably heading his way...

"We have taken every one of these actions in concourse to prevent the outbreak of the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE." -Barrack Obama 5/15/2013

THINK ABOUT IT! Everything fits! Lets go down the "facts":

Operation Fast a Furious - The scandal in which the Department of Justice (DOJ) is funneling weapons to Mexico and then 'accidentally' loosing track of them. Of course it has to look unintentional, any attempt to expose the impending zombie apocalypse would be met with a huge public panic. It's no coincidence that the Council on Hemispheric Affairs was investigating the possibility of a zombie outbreak just a couple years ago. If we are to protect America from zombies that originate in Central America, we will need to have a well armed Mexico between us.

Solyndra - It was never meant to be a profitable capital venture, it was meant to design and develop portable solar generators to assist the last vestiges of mankind in a time when society collapses. Were are these generators then, you ask? Well, we can't come out and say, because then the well armed Mexicans would get dibs. Also, Solyndra spelled backwards is Ardnylos! (There is no point to this, but Ardnylos sounds like a secretive government project type word, doesn't it?)

TEA Party targeting by the IRS - If Secretary Carney came out and said we had secret intelligence supporting a theory that there is a group funneling money that is actually trying to bring about the zombie apocalypse, that could explain this scandal.He would continue by revealing that intelligence points to a group called the "Terminal Ethological Apocalypse" or T.E.A. being involved, this provoked a thorough examination of possible revenue sources by the IRS, it was an honest mistake that other 501c4's that had TEA in their name were targeted as well.

Benghazi - This is where everything starts to go awry in this vast cover-up, I mean protective action on behalf of the American public, because it is the first documented case of a full blown Zombie attack, when the White House called the YouTube video outrageous  they thought that it was a video of actual zombies being leaked out and they where still trying to avoid a public panic. Their had was forced to run with the lame narrative they had concocted when they realized that the evidence of real life zombies hadn't hit the mainstream, but I found the original video here.

AP Phone Records being seized secretly by the DOJ - Ummmm... see, this was because.... ummmm.... the press was.... ummm... when the AP is talking to people, you see... ummmm.... oh screw it, this administration IS the zombie apocalypse. They act without rational thought, upon their most primitive of political desires, to destroy their opponents at whatever cost. They attack their enemies vicariously, lie and cover up their involvement while the blood drips from their lips. The best case scenario is that we have an executive branch that, much like a brain in a zombie, has no idea what is going on in the government body they sit atop of. They say they read notes from the CIA that turn out to be wrong, that they say they have no control over what the DOJ does in it's investigations, unaware of practices in the IRS, that if it's not Bush's fault, it's Rush's fault.

I'm sick of it. Most people can't stand working under a boss that lies, cheats, and throws people under the bus every time something goes wrong, which seems to be frequent with 'leaders' that use these tactics. But this isn't just some job that you can quit, this is our country. We are living under this incompetency.

Perhaps we'd be better off if there really was a zombie apocalypse.