Finally, America is #2!

Short of taking the Onion Movie's concept of raising the definition of Obese from 55% to 90% body fat, the best news in America's fight against obesity has arrived.

The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world!

Ever since the United States fell from grace in areas like household income, math, literacy, and percentage of people who can find the US on a map, we've been waiting for some good news in the arena of world rankings. Well here it is people, Mexico is now the fattest country out there. That's right, we can omit the need for a 2000 mile fence and replace it with some well positioned advertisements for treadmills and gluten free pizza. The New York Daily News reports that widely available and cheaply priced junk food, in tandem with industrial agriculture have become the new norm south of the border.

Can we use this report as the basis for other methods of getting the United States ranking to rise in other categories as well? Rather then trying to change our habits for the better, we could just change other countries habits for the worse? It plays right into our wheelhouse of being stubborn and telling other people what to do. Let's stop throwing billions of dollars at our education problem and rather start airing episodes of Honey Boo Boo in Finland, stop trying to resuscitate our GDP per capita and give tax breaks for Solindra and Exxon to open up shop in Ireland.

But let us not take our eyes off the true prize, the single greatest achievement will be when we flood China with enough woman that you regret waking up to while nursing a hangover that we reclaim the title, of heaviest beer drinking nation in the world.

We can do this! God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.