NFL Headlines

For those of you that have a passive interest in the NFL, here are your Week 1 football Headlines:

Cleveland Browns threaten to Draft Johnny 'Football' Manzel if he doesn't start acting more mature.

Tebow struggles to decide which of his zero options to pursue.

Jacksonville Jaguars consider idea to let opposing team play offense the entire game.

Rex Ryan declares Jets biggest win of the season is now behind them, congratulates Patriots on their week 2 victory.

Ex-Patriot Aaron Hernandez asks judge if they would please 'Shove it" and let him get back to "Earning those phat stacks of cash, your honor".

New clear bag requirements in Broncos home opener reveals that everyone in Denver travels with at least 3 pounds of marijuana on their persons at all times.

Falcons fans dismayed why Saints players didn't just roll over and "take it!"

Manning brothers to meet up for brunch and consider playing hooky in week 2.

Colts players apologize to Raiders fans for breaking their teams perfect season.

Proposal for throwback Cheese Head day in Green Bay using actually cheese from the seventies met with confusion and Febreze.

Chargers players vow that next week they won't be thrown off by the need to play a fourth quarter.

Drinking game based on the number of times Jon Gruden says 'Man' during a game results in 4 deaths from alcohol poisoning.

Ndamukong Suh graciously returns part of his signing bonus to the league, celebrates by letting Vikings kick him in the side.

Calvin 'Megatron' Johnson tries to enact the Calvin Johnson amendment to the Calvin Johnson rule, it is immediately overturned causing teammate Ndamukong Suh to retract his earlier gift to the league and chop block an opposing player in frustration, resulting in a fine.





There you are folks, you should be able to have your two cents added to any water cooler talk for the remainder of the week.