Distractions Be Damned!

World War II was started when Germany invaded Poland, The Korean War started when North Korea invaded South Korea, The Persian Gulf War started when Iraq invaded Kuwait, and now Russia has invaded Ukraine.

Not too many pundits and politicians are advocating to start up another war, considering we are still trying to get out of the last couple we started, but I state these to bring some weight and context to just how grave and serious an action it is when one country violates the sovereignty of another.

Need another anecdote to showcase my point? How about the President of the United States just a few days ago stating "We are now deeply concerned over reports of military movements taken by Russian Federation inside of Ukraine."

Well, it's been about a week and Putin and Russian Federation are showing no sign of letting up their pursuit of taking control of at least the Crimean Peninsula. I've been watching the President's response to events as they unfold, and even though I could make some snide comments about the pace of his responses, an indication of just how prepared he is to handle such a response, and have already written about the need for reforming our approach to foreign policy in much broader terms, I've been reasonably pleased with his calls to ban Russia from the G8, granting loans to the recognized Ukrainian government, and freezing assets of individual Russian officials and overall flexing what little leverage we have over Russia in an attempt to raise the price, both monetarily and politically, of Russia's actions.

Obviously this leverage is not enough to stop Putin, it was glaringly obvious from day one that US was in no position to actually stop him short of a massive military mobilization. Then what is the correct course of action? What else can our Commander in Chief do to dissuade Russia and continue to increase the cost to Russia for this clear violation of International Law? 

Well, apparently the answer is to gut up from the table, tell your Phone Czar to hold all your calls and your Airplane Czar to gas up the jet, and to go on vacation. Because that is exactly what he is doing.

Are the European's joining us in establishing sanctions? Idunno. Are we changing to Defcon 3 and mobilizing a force to help stabilize the region? Shrug. Will more calls to Putin finally wake him up to reason? Obama only knows that he isn't letting the incursion of Russian troops into Ukraine's Crimean peninsula prevent him and his family from enjoying a weekend away from Washington, currently beset by cold temperatures and sloppy piles of melting snow.

I'm sure staff and resources will travel with the President as they always do, but when you wake up every morning at he beautiful Ocean Reef Club in Key Largo. Will that Jack Ryan want to be CIA agent be traveling with him? I dunno, you can't take all of Washington with you on vacation.

It's an insult to the seriousness of the situation and another example how this President prioritizes the aspects of his office. Imaging the phone call Saturday morning when Putin finally calls Obama to try and negotiate some terms. So in the spirit of not taking this thing seriously at all, here is what I would imagine a phone call between President Obama and President Putin going this weekend.

"Hello"

"Yes, Barry, this is Vlad, I have seen light and am prepared to withdraw my forces. You have time to go over the terms for removing sanctions and get G8 summit back on schedule now, yes?" 

"Oh, yeah, Vlad, I'd love to, but... can I have you call back in about 5 hours, I got a tee time in 10 minutes and it is really hard to get one of those at this place, <chuckle>. I mean, how much taxpayer money do you have to spend to get some respect around here, you know what I mean?"

"I do not, Barry. In Russia, we have none of these golf courses. I spend vacations wrestling bears, not because I find it fun, but because if bear enters Russian Village, everyone gets in a hoopla, demanding show of force with nuclear weapons, I try to explain, 'bear is in Russian village and we cannot use nuclear warhead on Russians'.... well, you know how it is."

"Oh sure, sure. Like this one time, <chuckles> Michelle and I were trying to decide what stars to invite over to the White House for dinner last Tuesday, well, I wanted to invite the entire cast of Game of Thrones..."

"<interrupting> Mr. President, I am sorry, but Para-Olympic Ice Hockey game is currently in final period on Russian TV distracting people who oppose me making this call, if we can not come to deal right away I fear window of opportunity will close like Church once Vodka store opens."

"<Inhaling through teeth> You're putting me in a tough spot, Vlad. We have fantastic weather here, 76 and sunny."

"I understand, one time I shrug off meeting with fur hat makers union to enjoy 8 mile swim in lake, it was 20 of your degrees outside, who could refuse? I am sorry we are unable to come to terms today, perhaps you call me after we invade Lithuania?"

"Sure thing, Vlad. Always good to catch up, say hi to the Mrs. for me?"

"Absoloutely, and you give a hug and a kiss to Michelle for me, no?"

There is a moment of silence before both men break out laughing and hang up the phones.

T'was a Leftist Christmas

T’was the night before the 25th, and no celebration would occur,
No lights or nativities, less we offend our neighbor.
Into the chimney went our Duck Dynasty gear,
In hopes that Phil Robertson would soon be off the air.

The children were shivering huddled together like a flock,
While a heating oil subsidy lay stuck in congressional deadlock.
And me in my Snuggie, and my wife in her blouse,
We counted our blessings, that a Democrat was in the White House.

When out in the communal square, there arose such a clatter.

We immediately called the authorities, I entrusted them to see what was the matter.

Away from the window, I hid ‘til it was done.

For I had no form of protection, last week I handed over my gun.

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Away! Before the IRS audit’s us all!"

PETA would through a tantrum, as I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
I drew in a breath, If he were to fall how would he fare?
But down the chimney came St Nic, he must have Cadillac healthcare.

He was chubby from drinking Coke, Mayor Bloomberg would throw a fit.
And I laughed when I saw him, perhaps I’m prejudice a bit.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
I knew this wasn’t another Benghazi, I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but I watch Fox News,

It was what he didn’t say, those were dog whistles he’d use,

Then he lay his finger on the lips of his face,
The universal signal that the NSA had bugged the place!

He sprang to his sleigh, and left me with the thought,
Perhaps it’s not from Santa, I should fear being caught,
Then I heard him exclaim, much to the left’s ire,
"Merry Christmas to all, and the President’s a liar!”

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Every Time You Point Your Finger

Since it is a well known fact that Obama is infallible and not capable of making mistakes, the only possible explanation for the error-riden Healthcare.gov website debacle is that someone else is trying to do harm to the great and noble experiment called Obama-Care. Get your blacklists ready, 'cause we're taking names of all the people that obviously need to shoulder the responsibility for this law, that was passed with the noblest of intentions after weeks of painstaking debate and compromise. This list is filled with all the groups of people that have had the finger of accusation pointed at them. Each accusation is clearly cited though some of these may still make you go 'really?' or even laugh out loud, but all groups are being put on notice.

Insurance Companies - It's those dirty crooks, they could have been taking your money the whole time, but decided since it wouldn't "fulfill their policy holder's legal requirement" to be covered for that they would greedily just stop offering their coverage that would have incurred a fine anyway.

Republicans - Those bastards knew, they knew and they did nothing but try and stop this train wreck from occurring in the first place 30+ pathetic times.

The Tea Party - Even worse then the GOP. We know they knew 'cause they kept telling us what was in the law because these are the only bastards that read it. They had to of known that we don't believe anything that comes out of their mouths and that's why they kept telling us.

Fox News -From Sean Hannity to Sarah Palin, how where we supposed to get this thing implemented while the free press keeps asking all these nagging questions like 'Why does this cost so much?' and 'why isn't it lowering anyone premiums?'

Software Coding - With all it's elaborate functions and variables and hypertext. How is anyone supposed to be able to understand what....

if (window.opener != null && !window.opener.closed) { var txtName = window.opener.document.getElementById("txtName"); txtName.value = document.getElementById("ddlNames").value

....means?

Christians - You fear the wrath of some invisible man but you can't find enough forbearance in you to shut up and take it from a real life flesh and blood politician?

The Media - Obviously separate from Faux News. But seemingly still in cahoots with this group of people that expect questions to have answers and people who are elected to be held accountable.

Hackers - Not sure when and where they struck, but someone said that the site was highly susceptible. So we are just rolling with the idea that the sites already been hit.

The Private Sector - With their fancy 'look at me' websites like Amazon and Kayak. Just like the wealthy, it's so easy to have nice things when you already have nice things. Someone should really just give us nice things so it's all fair.

Koch Brothers - Bring up any Ed Shultz clip and I can prove to you how evil these makers of Bounty and other day to day household items are. Seriously, any Ed Shultz Clip.

The House Oversight Committee - You spend a few hundred million dollars on a chunk of software that can't even play a game tic-tac-toe to a draw, and suddenly everyone starts freaking out that maybe the government isn't spending it's time and resources wisely.

Young People - To paraphrase our preceding President, "They are either with us or they are right wing racist nut jobs that have been indoctrinated by the misinformation and hate speech of the vast right wing conspiracy."

And of course, when all other scapegoats fail, there is always zombies to blame it on. Or perhaps the Secret Society of Republican Ninjas has struck again! Regardless, one thing is perfectly clear, it is not the fault of this President. Of course in order to accept this you have to dismiss who conceived, campaigned for, and managed the entire thing for the last 5 years. Luckily, these are not important aspects of legislation.